[at first, he's frozen, and the push is effective enough to grant Haru the room to start moving away from him. honestly, it's just shellshock; how can Haru say those things so -- so calmly, like they don't change everything, in the very worst way? how confused and upset do you have to be, to be both happy and hateful of your best friend's relationship?]
[(he didn't deny it. he didn't deny that Rin was less, only confirmed that Makoto was more. of course Makoto is more, but Rin had thought -- Rin had thought he was something, at least, part of Haru's dream, if not a friend. he's always wanted that, sometimes wanted more, but here he is again, with nothing in his hands, wondering how he could have fucked up so badly)]
[tears well up as quickly as anger does, because he can't accept this. not for himself, not for Makoto. this is what he feared, last summer, when Makoto confessed. the support system he's been through so much to get back falling to pieces around him, because he couldn't resist Makoto (someone completely irresistible, so how was that even fair?)]
Like hell it'll change.
[it's a sharp bark]
Fine. We'll race for it. How about that?
[he's never felt less like racing in his life; he just wants... something, he wants to push Haru to do something, like he nearly always does]
If you win, you can tell Makoto it's okay to break up with me. Speed up the time it'll take for your heart to be untroubled again.
[he doesn't even stipulate what he'd get, if he should win, because he knows he won't; people race best for something they're passionate about, and Haru clearly can't handle the two of them together. yeah, he's passionate about Makoto, but not if it means destroying the most important relationship in Makoto's life. Haru's heart doesn't change -- or at least, Rin can't tell when it does]
no subject
[(he didn't deny it. he didn't deny that Rin was less, only confirmed that Makoto was more. of course Makoto is more, but Rin had thought -- Rin had thought he was something, at least, part of Haru's dream, if not a friend. he's always wanted that, sometimes wanted more, but here he is again, with nothing in his hands, wondering how he could have fucked up so badly)]
[tears well up as quickly as anger does, because he can't accept this. not for himself, not for Makoto. this is what he feared, last summer, when Makoto confessed. the support system he's been through so much to get back falling to pieces around him, because he couldn't resist Makoto (someone completely irresistible, so how was that even fair?)]
Like hell it'll change.
[it's a sharp bark]
Fine. We'll race for it. How about that?
[he's never felt less like racing in his life; he just wants... something, he wants to push Haru to do something, like he nearly always does]
If you win, you can tell Makoto it's okay to break up with me. Speed up the time it'll take for your heart to be untroubled again.
[he doesn't even stipulate what he'd get, if he should win, because he knows he won't; people race best for something they're passionate about, and Haru clearly can't handle the two of them together. yeah, he's passionate about Makoto, but not if it means destroying the most important relationship in Makoto's life. Haru's heart doesn't change -- or at least, Rin can't tell when it does]