You can't be friends with me when you're like this!
[the emptiness of the statement reflects the emptiness of the tiled atrium; he always wants more from Haru than he can give, but this time, it's too much. Rin's not good enough for Makoto, not good enough to race, not good enough to befriend the Iwatobi team, not good enough for anything -- really, everything he suspected all along. it hurts, it hurts like breathing with broken ribs, but it's too late to change anything. he can't stuff his feelings about Makoto back into any box, and he wouldn't want to. he can't stop the high intensity of emotion he feels around Haru, and he couldn't if he tried. he can't keep from fucking up, but what else is new? he was born into this world that way, why should that pattern ever change?]
I've never hurt him, I've never put you in a position that -- and you still --
[a sob stops him, and he realises abruptly he's lost before he's even gotten into the water. he always has more to lose, when Haru bets nothing; no emotion, no relationships on the line. Rin's always been the outsider, and he was stupid to think anything's changed, just because they've been forced to live together here. it's forced, after all -- at home he'd be back in Australia, and Makoto would tire of long distance, and Haru would never have had to grow so uneasy. maybe they all would have drifted apart by now]
[Rin turns away, ashamed of his tears and his reckless way of feeling, and sits in the very spot Haru vacated. his goggles, crushed in his fist, have become tangled in themselves. he can't swim like this at all, and tosses them to the side with a harsh clatter]
-- Tell him anyway, if you won't race me for it. It's not like I could stop you.
Re: i can't believe this degrassi
[the emptiness of the statement reflects the emptiness of the tiled atrium; he always wants more from Haru than he can give, but this time, it's too much. Rin's not good enough for Makoto, not good enough to race, not good enough to befriend the Iwatobi team, not good enough for anything -- really, everything he suspected all along. it hurts, it hurts like breathing with broken ribs, but it's too late to change anything. he can't stuff his feelings about Makoto back into any box, and he wouldn't want to. he can't stop the high intensity of emotion he feels around Haru, and he couldn't if he tried. he can't keep from fucking up, but what else is new? he was born into this world that way, why should that pattern ever change?]
I've never hurt him, I've never put you in a position that -- and you still --
[a sob stops him, and he realises abruptly he's lost before he's even gotten into the water. he always has more to lose, when Haru bets nothing; no emotion, no relationships on the line. Rin's always been the outsider, and he was stupid to think anything's changed, just because they've been forced to live together here. it's forced, after all -- at home he'd be back in Australia, and Makoto would tire of long distance, and Haru would never have had to grow so uneasy. maybe they all would have drifted apart by now]
[Rin turns away, ashamed of his tears and his reckless way of feeling, and sits in the very spot Haru vacated. his goggles, crushed in his fist, have become tangled in themselves. he can't swim like this at all, and tosses them to the side with a harsh clatter]
-- Tell him anyway, if you won't race me for it. It's not like I could stop you.