[the yank stops him, and he's surprised by the force Haruka put into both motions -- both catching him and holding on. he's surprised by Haruka wanting him around, still -- the habit of assuming himself unwanted is harder to break than anything else]
[it's important to him, when his friends tell him otherwise. he can't pick up on Haru's feelings like Makoto, hasn't really known any of them long enough (aged that they are) to guess at intentions. he only knows what they tell him, so that makes everything they say matter]
[Rin's face falters, awkward and ashamed and uncertain, and then levels into an expression of flushed acceptance]
...
[now knowing what the other boy actually wants of him, suddenly it makes sense; Haruka requesting the book in the first place, telling Rin to meet him here, the dumb blanket beneath the tree, all of it. it wasn't just the book Haru wanted, but the experience of it with Rin]
[this is so stupid.]
[Rin sits back down, beside his friend]
I'm not doing anything, I guess. Isn't it kind of childish to read a book together, at our age? And we probably read at different speeds...
[but he reaches for it, opening it up across their laps (though he does feel embarrassed the whole time)]
[ there's a look of contentment that crosses over his features when Rin seems to acquiesce; it wasn't often that he struck out and did something so bold as to bear such vulnerable desires to Rin, and showing that he wanted him and needed him to stay was as vulnerable as it got, given their history. once he's settled beside him, Haru moves even closer, so the shared space of their laps has less of a chasm between.
he almost gives him one of those rarer, sweeter smiles, but Rin's comment causes a flash of a perturbed frown. only in the fondest of ways, of course. ]
You think that you can read faster than me?
[ he doles out the words slowly -- boredly -- to show he's not challenged or challenging, keeping his eyes on him. ]
I want to take our time on this. There are pictures, right? And I want to know all of the facts.
[their shoulders and knees are bumping stupidly, because they're both 17 and there was a reason shared reading time usually stopped around primary school (unless someone forgot a book for class at home, anyway). even so, Rin feels a bit more relaxed at the points of contact between them; if Haruka is sometimes covetous of his space, Rin is sometimes unwanting of his (he's had enough space to last a lifetime, an ocean's worth of it)]
[and that precarious moment, with Rin feeling out of place and Haru simply feeling, is left behind as Rin suddenly grins, amused by Haru's sudden, bossy insistence]
You didn't even know about this book until yesterday, shut up. Alright, alright.
[even as he opens the book up between them, shifting to rest more comfortably against the tree behind them, he can't help but add]
-- And I know I can read faster than you, by the way.
[flipflipflip, lets get right to the page with the box fish, which comes in a few colours and is, all in all, quite cute. they remind Rin of those little paper stars Gou used to make, when they were younger, that used to end up in all kinds of stupid places]
[ . . . so Rin might have been faster than Haru at a lot of things, it had been years since they indulged in competitions as mundane as reading. let him think he's a faster reader, okay. with a visible bristle, Haru's eyes coolly send a glare Rin's way, but it's not long before his attention is completely consumed by the pages that Rin flips through.
there's something about this activity that brings Haruka back to the happier moments of his childhood. every moment of embarrassment being relived, the hot flash of a challenge pulling him in against his will, and the quiet awe and wonder he'd felt when looking at the strange sights picture books and calendars had to offer.
maybe that wonder is written on his expression, because it's almost eerily mirroring the face of the boxfish. Rin's question snaps Haru's agape expression shut, as he screws his lips tightly together and looks away from the book. ]
It's okay ... [ he glances back at the box fish, reaching over to flip forward to the next page, then... flip back right to the box fish. it really came in so many colors... ] I guess.
It looks surprised. [ is he blushing at the fish. "cute" is what he's thinking... ]
[Rin has seen the box fish before, many times, so it's only logical that he's watching Haru's face instead, surreptitiously, from behind the fall of his own scruffy, post-practice hair]
[he's talked to Makoto about it -- about Haru and him. it's hard for Rin to understand this boy, and he's embarrassed at how frequently they just can't seem to get one another right (especially, maybe, when it's clear that there's a connection there that's like nothing else). but Rin is putting his mind to learning -- top ten in all his classes, he's no slouch at it -- and what he's been learning is that it's not that Haru doesn't feel things, it's that he shows his feelings in his own way, in his own time. it's not that Haru doesn't care, but that he is learning to express that care, just as Rin is. it's not that Haru is someone even Makoto or Nagisa can fully explain, as he's been changing since the first time they met again, last summer]
-- It probably didn't expect to get it's picture taken. What do you think, aa? Duh, that's just it's face.
[ever-tactile, he pokes at the other's jaw]
Like how you always look like a dead fish, it must always look like a surprised one.
[he relaxes further, letting Haruka control the flipping of the pages. he wants Haru to enjoy the book, after all, and Rin would much rather siphon more understanding from him in the process]
[ the problem was that Rin was incredibly hard to ignore. even for an expert-on-ignoring such as himself. he learned that years ago, and any sort of childish remark that Rin attacked with always had to be parried with an equally childish response. even if it was just pointedly cold and dismissive, he had to show Rin that he was unaffected, unconvinced, bemused, or somehow not completely and utterly shoved and moved by Rin's presence. he was still the same boy he was years ago, who rudely and unknowingly wormed his way into his heart, and he wasn't going to allow him to have the advantage again.
besides.
he did not look like a dead fish. ]
Even if it always looks that way, it still could have been surprised.
[Rin snickers stupidly at his friend's stubbornness; they're younger together, in a refreshing kind of way (an annoying kind of way, sometimes, but it's so, so worth it)]
I thought you wanted to draw new fish, not argue over them.
[he reaches for Haru's bag, nosy, wondering what else his friend has brought; finding the dried mackerel, he deadpans a look down at it]
Seriously? This is the kind of stuff old ladies eat...
[but he's opening the bag all the same, letting Haru enjoy his fish-time, taking unconscious comfort in the light bumping of their elbows and the press of their knees]
[ entranced as he is with the book, the closeness is a bit of a distraction. it's not distinctively bad, Haru realizes, but he did wonder when he'd get used to having this again. he'd been separated for Rin far longer than he knew him, but he couldn't shake the feeling (--fear, really) that Rin would happen in spurts in his life. they'd make brief contact as if in a relay, and Rin would dive off to someplace else. or someone else.
he contentedly decides that this moment is somewhat precious, then. not that he'd say that aloud. ]
You complain, but you'll eat it anyway. [ that's how he was when it came to him, right? Haru was the same way. he's not sure if the small smile threatening to form is from the atmosphere or the book, but the longer he looks at the picture of the fish, the more difficult it is to fight it. ]
[sometimes, to Rin, it feels like... cheating, to be here. like the scenes in his life in Holly Heights shouldn't have been allowed to be, and wouldn't have happened if everything was normal and they were all home. he'd anticipated being a -- a weirdly aggressive orbiting body of the Iwatobi team, as cautious (and guilty) as he felt about the Samezuka team, as stupid and displaced as he felt about his old relay team. they were all friends, sure, but he never expected it to be like this -- endless summer]
Shut up, I brought you the book for nothing, consider it payment. Unless you got something better.
[the plastic is taken off the strips, and for all his complaining he offers a stick to Haru first. they're older, but he still wants -- everything, from Haru, really. his attention, his friendship, his gratitude, his private smiles and his fired-up glares]
[here, take this, I helped, his eyes lie hopefully]
The one who's complaining should shut up. [ Haru deadpans while turning the page, but then the gesture is caught in his peripheral, effectively drawing his gaze away from the book and over to Rin questioningly. he looks a bit surprised by the offer, and almost mistrusting of it at first, what with the way he keeps glancing back and forth between the stick and Rin's eyes. ]
. . . [ well, Haru is struck with a quick vision of eating it straight off the stick as Rin holds it, which is all kinds of embarrassing and quickly going to be shoved away into a dark corner of his mind. his hand draws up slowly to reach for it. ]
[it takes too long. this is a chronic problem, with Haru -- he's always looking away, turning his chair in a different direction, running from him, wasting time on an inevitable decision Rin's already made twenty minutes (or four years) ago. if Haru had accepted the damn thing normally, maybe the gesture would remain what it was; selfless, thoughtful, maybe even a little sweet, like the way Makoto or Nagisa treat Haru]
[instead, Rin treats Haru like... Rin treats Haru, which means that when Haru finally starts reaching slowly, Rin is already dropping his his head to chomp on the mackerel stick, leaving a huge, obnoxious bite in it]
...
[without lifting his face from the stick, red eyes flicker up again, like he's in disbelief at his own actions. he is a bit, but Haru's reaction -- temporarily take precedence. he'll be embarrassed for himself later, he's always got time for that]
[eventually;]
...Too slow, Nanase.
[the more things change, the more they stay the same]
[ slow and steady wins the race with Nanase -- or in many cases, is so slow that people get tired of waiting and move on ahead and then he doesn't have to participate in the race anymore.
but Rin, as always, disrupts that MO by performing the smallest of actions, inevitably annoying Haru or affecting him in some way that he can't make sense of, since exasperation shouldn't come so fondly and affectionately. they weren't complementary feelings for him, and yet here they were, resurfacing.
he's not surprised, but still disappointed. shrugging his shoulder up a bit, Haru glances away pointedly with disinterest as an irate sigh escapes. ]
I didn't want it anyway. [ IT'S MACKEREL. AND RIN WAS GIVING IT TO YOU. YES YOU DID, HARU. ]
[Rin might not be able to understand Haruka, most of the time, but he can tell when he isn't being truthful -- there's something about him that's clean and bright when he's saying something he means, something that dulls in equal, obvious measure when he isn't. Rin puts the rest of the dried mackerel in his mouth, like a cigarette, and fishes for another stick]
[this one, he holds out more roughly, while his other palm flips upwards in a gesture of surrender. the two movements together are a mixed signal, because that's just how he rolls]
[Rin finds himself snickering stupidly around his mouthful, similar to that nervous, bright giggle he had as a child, but more goofy and less endearing for his having gone through puberty]
[ well, the way Rin teases him only serves to weigh Haru down into an even shier state. he really wishes he hadn't fallen for such an obvious trap, but it was incredibly difficult to say no to mackerel, even if he knew that Rin was probably looking to laugh at his expense. well, giggle at it -- which he does, and which fills Haru with that same "annoyed-fondness" that baffles his senses every time it happens. like some foreign object being introduced to his body. ]
I knew you were going to do that, by the way. [ he glares, making sure he sounds thoroughly unimpressed by Rin's antics. there's an obvious effort to be much quicker in grabbing for that mackerel this time around. ]
[something twists happily in his stomach; Haru suddenly putting in effort, glaring with emotion, responding to his taunting and baiting and prodding and pushing, always gets him stupidly fired up]
Oh? So that was your plan all along, to let me eat your fish?
[a part of him wants to yank the fish back as Haru reaches, but he grinds an internal heel on that bit -- chowing down on his first piece was childish enough, any more immaturity and they'll start babbling in baby-talk and drooling. so Rin lets (lets) Haru take his mackerel, and chews on his own piece. he prefers beef, but fish makes him think of home. it's not so bad, once in a while]
Diabolical. Is my face looking like a surprised fish's?
[ Haru directly meets his eyes as he takes a bite, listening to the (rather obnoxious) sound of their combined chewing -- Rin's through a grin, Haru's through lazy and slow llama-like movements. ]
No.
[ he looks back at the book now, pretending Rin isn't all that interesting. ]
[Rin laughs at that, arm slinging back around Haru's shoulders companionably, like Haru hasn't just insulted him right to his face and pretended to ignore him in favour of a book. Haru can be perplexing as fuck, but he can be perplexingly funny, too. Rin is always caught unawares, by how funny Haru can be, in his weirdness, in his unrelentingly unique view on the world]
[he doesn't understand, but that's one of the reasons he likes Haru so much in the first place. it's maddening, how stupid they are, how stupid their relationship is]
Like I want to look like a box fish! What's so charming about a square head, anyway? Too much chlorine has messed up your eyesight, I think. -- The pipefish is more charming, if anything.
[he doesn't let Haru keep waxing poetic on his now beloved boxfish, flipping to the frankly adorable pipefish]
[informs Haru, because he is in fact a nerd]
They're in the same family as sea horses and sea dragons, so the male carries the eggs when they mate, but they're weirder than that. Some mate for life, and some only mate in like, harem-style fish orgies. [a dumb snicker] They really decide their own love lives, I guess.
[ it is, quite frankly, a bit difficult for Haru to keep up the complete apathy he had prepared on his expression once Rin shows off the pipefish. an attempt is made, sure, but his eyes tell of an instantaneous enamored feeling that is impossible to hide.
even as Rin rattles off stupidly on his fish facts -- his lewd, weird fish facts. though Haru's not too fazed by them. the ocean had its ways, and Haru respected them. even fish orgies. ]
And you would mate for life? [ if you were a pipefish. ]
[Rin is smug and pleased, as he watches Haru's expression; really, he had absolutely no chance -- who could resist a fish as cute as the pipefish? and that's not the only exotic fish in his arsenal, either. of course, he'd flipped through the book one last time the night before to familiarize himself with it, just for an occasion that might arise just like this (where he could show off and be right and maybe beat Haru at something, like who was the bigger jerk)]
[but then of course, Haru throws off all his plans with dumb, embarrassing questions, and Rin gives a startled, nervous laugh]
What are you asking that for? You know it's different with people versus fish, right? Fish don't date, or fall in love, or anything...
[this is embarrassing. he hates Haru. he should have just shown him the most poisonous, creepy looking one, but he'd wanted charming, and now here they are, with Rin explaining the dokidoki facts of life, and how they have nothing to do with Finding Nemo]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[it's important to him, when his friends tell him otherwise. he can't pick up on Haru's feelings like Makoto, hasn't really known any of them long enough (aged that they are) to guess at intentions. he only knows what they tell him, so that makes everything they say matter]
[Rin's face falters, awkward and ashamed and uncertain, and then levels into an expression of flushed acceptance]
...
[now knowing what the other boy actually wants of him, suddenly it makes sense; Haruka requesting the book in the first place, telling Rin to meet him here, the dumb blanket beneath the tree, all of it. it wasn't just the book Haru wanted, but the experience of it with Rin]
[this is so stupid.]
[Rin sits back down, beside his friend]
I'm not doing anything, I guess. Isn't it kind of childish to read a book together, at our age? And we probably read at different speeds...
[but he reaches for it, opening it up across their laps (though he does feel embarrassed the whole time)]
no subject
he almost gives him one of those rarer, sweeter smiles, but Rin's comment causes a flash of a perturbed frown. only in the fondest of ways, of course. ]
You think that you can read faster than me?
[ he doles out the words slowly -- boredly -- to show he's not challenged or challenging, keeping his eyes on him. ]
I want to take our time on this. There are pictures, right? And I want to know all of the facts.
no subject
[and that precarious moment, with Rin feeling out of place and Haru simply feeling, is left behind as Rin suddenly grins, amused by Haru's sudden, bossy insistence]
You didn't even know about this book until yesterday, shut up. Alright, alright.
[even as he opens the book up between them, shifting to rest more comfortably against the tree behind them, he can't help but add]
-- And I know I can read faster than you, by the way.
[flipflipflip, lets get right to the page with the box fish, which comes in a few colours and is, all in all, quite cute. they remind Rin of those little paper stars Gou used to make, when they were younger, that used to end up in all kinds of stupid places]
Here. Everything you imagined and more?
no subject
there's something about this activity that brings Haruka back to the happier moments of his childhood. every moment of embarrassment being relived, the hot flash of a challenge pulling him in against his will, and the quiet awe and wonder he'd felt when looking at the strange sights picture books and calendars had to offer.
maybe that wonder is written on his expression, because it's almost eerily mirroring the face of the boxfish. Rin's question snaps Haru's agape expression shut, as he screws his lips tightly together and looks away from the book. ]
It's okay ... [ he glances back at the box fish, reaching over to flip forward to the next page, then... flip back right to the box fish. it really came in so many colors... ] I guess.
It looks surprised. [ is he blushing at the fish. "cute" is what he's thinking... ]
no subject
[he's talked to Makoto about it -- about Haru and him. it's hard for Rin to understand this boy, and he's embarrassed at how frequently they just can't seem to get one another right (especially, maybe, when it's clear that there's a connection there that's like nothing else). but Rin is putting his mind to learning -- top ten in all his classes, he's no slouch at it -- and what he's been learning is that it's not that Haru doesn't feel things, it's that he shows his feelings in his own way, in his own time. it's not that Haru doesn't care, but that he is learning to express that care, just as Rin is. it's not that Haru is someone even Makoto or Nagisa can fully explain, as he's been changing since the first time they met again, last summer]
-- It probably didn't expect to get it's picture taken. What do you think, aa? Duh, that's just it's face.
[ever-tactile, he pokes at the other's jaw]
Like how you always look like a dead fish, it must always look like a surprised one.
[he relaxes further, letting Haruka control the flipping of the pages. he wants Haru to enjoy the book, after all, and Rin would much rather siphon more understanding from him in the process]
no subject
besides.
he did not look like a dead fish. ]
Even if it always looks that way, it still could have been surprised.
no subject
[Rin snickers stupidly at his friend's stubbornness; they're younger together, in a refreshing kind of way (an annoying kind of way, sometimes, but it's so, so worth it)]
I thought you wanted to draw new fish, not argue over them.
[he reaches for Haru's bag, nosy, wondering what else his friend has brought; finding the dried mackerel, he deadpans a look down at it]
Seriously? This is the kind of stuff old ladies eat...
[but he's opening the bag all the same, letting Haru enjoy his fish-time, taking unconscious comfort in the light bumping of their elbows and the press of their knees]
no subject
he contentedly decides that this moment is somewhat precious, then. not that he'd say that aloud. ]
You complain, but you'll eat it anyway. [ that's how he was when it came to him, right? Haru was the same way. he's not sure if the small smile threatening to form is from the atmosphere or the book, but the longer he looks at the picture of the fish, the more difficult it is to fight it. ]
no subject
Shut up, I brought you the book for nothing, consider it payment. Unless you got something better.
[the plastic is taken off the strips, and for all his complaining he offers a stick to Haru first. they're older, but he still wants -- everything, from Haru, really. his attention, his friendship, his gratitude, his private smiles and his fired-up glares]
[here, take this, I helped, his eyes lie hopefully]
no subject
. . . [ well, Haru is struck with a quick vision of eating it straight off the stick as Rin holds it, which is all kinds of embarrassing and quickly going to be shoved away into a dark corner of his mind. his hand draws up slowly to reach for it. ]
no subject
[instead, Rin treats Haru like... Rin treats Haru, which means that when Haru finally starts reaching slowly, Rin is already dropping his his head to chomp on the mackerel stick, leaving a huge, obnoxious bite in it]
...
[without lifting his face from the stick, red eyes flicker up again, like he's in disbelief at his own actions. he is a bit, but Haru's reaction -- temporarily take precedence. he'll be embarrassed for himself later, he's always got time for that]
[eventually;]
...Too slow, Nanase.
[the more things change, the more they stay the same]
no subject
but Rin, as always, disrupts that MO by performing the smallest of actions, inevitably annoying Haru or affecting him in some way that he can't make sense of, since exasperation shouldn't come so fondly and affectionately. they weren't complementary feelings for him, and yet here they were, resurfacing.
he's not surprised, but still disappointed. shrugging his shoulder up a bit, Haru glances away pointedly with disinterest as an irate sigh escapes. ]
I didn't want it anyway. [ IT'S MACKEREL. AND RIN WAS GIVING IT TO YOU. YES YOU DID, HARU. ]
no subject
[Rin might not be able to understand Haruka, most of the time, but he can tell when he isn't being truthful -- there's something about him that's clean and bright when he's saying something he means, something that dulls in equal, obvious measure when he isn't. Rin puts the rest of the dried mackerel in his mouth, like a cigarette, and fishes for another stick]
[this one, he holds out more roughly, while his other palm flips upwards in a gesture of surrender. the two movements together are a mixed signal, because that's just how he rolls]
[Rin finds himself snickering stupidly around his mouthful, similar to that nervous, bright giggle he had as a child, but more goofy and less endearing for his having gone through puberty]
Jeez, don't pout. Take it, already.
no subject
I knew you were going to do that, by the way. [ he glares, making sure he sounds thoroughly unimpressed by Rin's antics. there's an obvious effort to be much quicker in grabbing for that mackerel this time around. ]
LOOK AT THAT KING SHITLORD
Oh? So that was your plan all along, to let me eat your fish?
[a part of him wants to yank the fish back as Haru reaches, but he grinds an internal heel on that bit -- chowing down on his first piece was childish enough, any more immaturity and they'll start babbling in baby-talk and drooling. so Rin lets (lets) Haru take his mackerel, and chews on his own piece. he prefers beef, but fish makes him think of home. it's not so bad, once in a while]
Diabolical. Is my face looking like a surprised fish's?
SAME GOES FOR YOU, PISSLORD
No.
[ he looks back at the book now, pretending Rin isn't all that interesting. ]
You don't have its charm at all.
no subject
[he doesn't understand, but that's one of the reasons he likes Haru so much in the first place. it's maddening, how stupid they are, how stupid their relationship is]
Like I want to look like a box fish! What's so charming about a square head, anyway? Too much chlorine has messed up your eyesight, I think. -- The pipefish is more charming, if anything.
[he doesn't let Haru keep waxing poetic on his now beloved boxfish, flipping to the frankly adorable pipefish]
[informs Haru, because he is in fact a nerd]
They're in the same family as sea horses and sea dragons, so the male carries the eggs when they mate, but they're weirder than that. Some mate for life, and some only mate in like, harem-style fish orgies. [a dumb snicker] They really decide their own love lives, I guess.
no subject
even as Rin rattles off stupidly on his fish facts -- his lewd, weird fish facts. though Haru's not too fazed by them. the ocean had its ways, and Haru respected them. even fish orgies. ]
And you would mate for life? [ if you were a pipefish. ]
no subject
[but then of course, Haru throws off all his plans with dumb, embarrassing questions, and Rin gives a startled, nervous laugh]
What are you asking that for? You know it's different with people versus fish, right? Fish don't date, or fall in love, or anything...
[this is embarrassing. he hates Haru. he should have just shown him the most poisonous, creepy looking one, but he'd wanted charming, and now here they are, with Rin explaining the dokidoki facts of life, and how they have nothing to do with Finding Nemo]